Saturday, January 22, 2011

Self Confidence

"My worth does not depend on my actions. I am called by God to be a physician. I do my best because it is my calling. I am a frail human being, but God uses me and works through me."

   There are now five weeks left before I leave for Congo from Switzerland. I am starting to prepare mentally for the change but unfortunately fears keep cropping up. I have not practiced medicine since the end of June. I have never practiced medicine in a language other than English. I have not practiced tropical medicine and missionary medicine for longer than 2 months. I don't know if I can communicate well enough with the patients, staff, or others there in Congo. What if I miss a crucial piece of information? What if I make a mistake? What if that mistake costs someone their life? What if I find I'm miserable, and can't handle the stress? What if?  What if?  What if?
   In discussing some of these worries with a friend here, she gave me advice written above in italics. I wrote it down and have it placed next to my computer, so I can see it each day. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be in this world. I'm a doctor. I'm not omniscient. I will make mistakes. I will learn from them. God has called me to be a missionary and a physician since I was a young child. He would not guide me to this place if it were not in His will, and be able to provide His strength for me to complete it. So I pray He continues to guide me, to give me courage, wisdom, and patience. He will help me through the transition, through the culture shock, into the role I've worked so hard and so long to attain. He will help me fulfill the dream He gave me when I was young.

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."   
-Matt 10:29-31, NIV

1 comment:

annettedkf said...

Just read the whole post..missed reading all of it the first time and frankly, I have tears running down my cheeks. I'm so proud of you for following God's calling on your life even with some fears of what is to come. If we knew everything in the future there would not be such a thing as faith. If you think your faith is getting low, ask God, and He will provide more and perfect peace that you will have what you need, when you need it. I love you so much. Mom