Thursday, November 1, 2012

You know you've lived in rural Africa when...


You know you’ve lived in rural Africa when:
  1. You know how to knock ants out of bread.
  2. The 10 second rule becomes the 30 second rule, which quickly becomes, ‘if it’s not growing something on it and no cockroach is standing on it, you can eat it.’
  3. You can’t throw any bottle or container away because:
    1. You can use it to store food.
    2. You can use it to provide containers for nutritional milk to feed malnourished children
    3. You can use them to give away food to people who might not bring back your plastic containers.
  4. Chocolate is priceless, even if it’s been melted and cooled several times. 
  5. You’re willing to pay $16/gallon ($2 per ½ liter) for liquid, irradiated milk because 
    1. It’s not powdered
    2. It tastes closer to real milk than anything else you can get
  6. Instead of throwing out food the cat or dog got into, you either 
    1. Eat it anyway
    2. Scoop out where the animal ate from it, and eat the rest
  7. All your clothes are either 
    1. Faded (from drying in the sun)
    2. Stretched (from being stretched on the clothes line)
    3. Stained 
    4. All of the above
  8. “I’m traveling on such and such a day” really means you may be traveling the day before, the day of, the day after, or not at all. That's just you-your luggage may or may not come with you.
  9. You know what sounds termites make, especially before the flying ones are about to leave the mound.  (Shiver!)
  10. Lizards and geckos in the house don’t really bother you, because they eat flies, termites and mosquitos.
  11. You have two types of seasons:
    1. By weather
      1. Rainy
      2. Dry
    2. By produce
      1. Mango
      2. Avacado
      3. Papaya
      4. Caterpillars
  12. You know how to make pizza from Laughing Cow cheese.
  13. Having granola and yogurt for breakfast means:
    1. making your own yogurt
    2. buying honey from a local pygmy
    3. making your own granola, which involves
      1. Buying, opening, and grating fresh coconut (if desired)
      2. Buying and roasting peanuts (if desired)
      3. Buying oatmeal 
  14. You know how to 'candle' eggs to tell if they are good or not.

2 comments:

Trixy Franke said...

Ha, ha, ha!!!!

A few amendments are in order though:

1. plastic containers can also be used for spacers on inhalers for the little tykes with asthma

2. additionally, clothes are moldy and smell permanently like mildew

3. geckos and lizards are friends as well as spiders!

Great read. Thanks for the laugh!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, Africa is unlike any other place I have visited. These reminders are funny but true.